haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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