The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
