WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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