I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
