GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
