Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
