That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
