Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
