Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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