I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Enjoy the penises
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
