i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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