I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
