It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
