in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
