Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My life is pants optional.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
