my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You ruined the universe
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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