i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
