I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
