you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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