was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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