is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
