My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
