Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
