I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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