You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
