Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
