Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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