I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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