Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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