we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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