Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
