I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
