Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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