garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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