Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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