You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
