i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
