so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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