dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
