We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
