We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
