You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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