I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He? As in you personified your dick?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
