I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
