I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
