Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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