i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
