Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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