Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
