I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
