A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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