the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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