I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
